Insomnia
by Bekki Beekeeper
Summary: He feels as if he is dying and the whole Earth with him: for if he sleeps, they will never wake again. [TenDoctor]
1. Insomnia

**Notes:** Although originally intended as a one-shot, I chose to add on an Epilogue in a different narrative style in order to support the focus of the story. If this section is enough for you, that's brilliant. You have my full endorsement in completely ignoring the Epilogue. However,if you feel like you need to know what happens next, or on what basis the plot has developed,the Epilogue was written for you.

**Disclaimer:** This story is purely for the speculation and exploration of what might happen in an imagined situation. None of the charactersinvolvedare my own but I hope that their portrayal rings as true as possible.

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_Oblivion – what a blessing…  
__for the mind to dwell a world away from pain.  
_(Sophocles)

**INSOMNIA**

Though he is quiet, the thoughts of the Doctor still struggle to find voice.

Thoughts. Thoughts now moving in a slow kind of motion, a temporal blend of memories and questions. They are a sluggish drove, reminding him that he has never been impervious to dangers such as this. He recalls a time when his mind was sharp and fast, a time when his body could barely contain the energy of his all-consuming notions and wonderfully insane ideas. That time may have been an hour ago or a century ago. Right now, one seems just as likely as the other.

He knows his need to sleep; he also knows Earth's need for his continued enforced insomnia. His own weakness grieves him.

Sitting in the harsh unfamiliarity of an alien cell, he ponders his exact location once more. This isn't his beloved TARDIS; if it were, he would be standing in one of the vast, ancient halls, sustained by the very air inside it. If he were in the TARDIS, he would by no means be tired like this, pushed far beyond the realms of exhaustion. He would be _alive_, bright-eyed and grinning, bursting with the prospect of a life-threatening challenge. He closes his eyes and recalls the thrill of his ship's unfailing energy sparking through his cells.

But this isn't the TARDIS and he must open his eyes. He feels as if he is dying and the whole Earth with him - for if he sleeps, they will never wake again.

_I cannot sleep. I must stay awake._

He repeats the silent command once more into his own waning consciousness, sick now of his own mental voice. He appeals to his former selves but they can be of no assistance here. They slumber on, mere memories, and he wonders if - once - he had been a man strong enough to resist his own desire to give in.

_I must not sleep. I have to stay awake._

Every cell aches so much that his body doesn't feel like his own anymore. His eyelids are of lead and he counts each moment by the time it takes to blink; the moments are lengthening.

He wonders where the TARDIS is. He doesn't feel it close.

_Can't sleep. Have to stay awake._

What he would give for a reason to smile. He searches through pages of his emotions, faced only with sorrow and guilt. To overcome them, the physical pain would be worth bearing; but he can see no way out of this. He has never been able to release the blame and allow the sadness to lift; his mourning for his race has continued throughout the ages.

Still he finds solace in the few friends he has known.

_Don't sleep. Stay awake._

He recalls those he has encountered, those important to him. He thinks of his race, then humankind, then those individuals who have sacrificed their lives for the war; for Earth; for him. With the dawning of despair he wonders if it has all been for nothing.

_Stay awake._

He can't even remember why he needs to anymore.

_Stay._

He feels his grasp slipping, his focus fading.

_Awake._

And as he closes his eyes one final time, he hopes Rose is safe.

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_**A/N:** Need to know what happens next? Go onto the Epilogue. Feel that the story has come to its end for you? Feel free to let your imagination fill in any elaboration. Thanks for reading and I hope you'll do me the kindness of areview._


	2. Epilogue

**Notes:** This Epilogue is designed to provide a bit of explanation and elaboration on the story you have just read. I don't consider it compulsory to enjoying the actual story, which was originally intended as a one-shot character study.

**Disclaimer:** This story is purely for the speculation and exploration of what might happen in an imagined situation. None of the charactersinvolvedare my own but I hope that their portrayal rings as true as possible.

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**EPILOGUE**

"Rose! Over here! I found him!"

Captain Jack's voice rang loudly through the chamber and though the Doctor flinched at the sound, for Rose it was a welcome call. She was beside Jack in seconds, hurriedly kneeling in front of the Doctor, who was propped up against the cold cell wall.

"Doctor?" she asked. He tried to open his eyes but they refused to co-operate; he felt himself slipping back down into oblivion…

"Doctor!"

He started, drawn back up from the depths of himself. That was Rose - and beside her, Jack. He smiled.

"Hey, buddy," Jack murmured, and it seemed such a distant tone that the Doctor had to concentrate hard to hear him. "Guess what? You did it."

He frowned in confusion - what had he done? - but before he had chance to ask he was being hauled to his feet. Energy was slowly beginning to replenish his fatigued muscles, energy that could only be from the TARDIS.

The Doctor forced himself to open his eyes.

He found Rose staring back at him, pale with worry and an ordeal beyond his current comprehension. He smiled weakly at her and she smiled back. The Doctor turned his head and Jack was there, scratched and bloodied but grinning.

"Thought we'd lost you for good," he said.

"Yeah," Rose agreed, "so don't you ever do that to us again!"

The Doctor looked between them, his mind still clouded, his eyes still dim.

"How long…?"

"Were you asleep?" Jack finished for him.

"You weren't," Rose answered earnestly. "At least, not while they could still destroy us. Doctor, you bought us enough time to stop them! Another minute and they would have used the energy of your unconscious mind to power their weapon."

The Doctor blinked at her.

"Maybe we should get this fella back to his ship," Jack chuckled, "before his head explodes with the confusion. These shoes were expensive, y'know, and brain juice is just impossible to get out of real leather."

Rose laughed and nodded, true relief shining through her features. She placed one of the Doctor's arms around her shoulders and together she and Jack began to guide him away from the room of his torture.

"Thank you," he croaked to them both as they paused with him in the doorway.

"For what?" enquired Rose curiously, a gentle smile lifting her face and lightening her eyes. "You're the one who saved Earth - _again_."

Ten separate voices answered her in the Doctor's mind, but only one found true voice.

"Thank you… for reminding me I can't do everything alone."

"Well I am glad that you finally managed to realise that!" Jack responded, sincerity behind his tone of jest.

"You're only human," Rose added; then corrected herself: "Time Lord, I mean."

"Either way, you're not perfect," Jack continued, "and it's about time you accepted it." Rose sent him a glance and he shrugged. "It's true."

The Doctor just smiled at them and inclined his head in a slow nod. "Now, if you don't mind," he said, a familiar golden spark dancing behind his eyes, "I'm thinking it would be a good idea for me to find a bed - before I collapse or start to exhibit any unpleasant symptoms. I feel like I've been awake since the dawn of time."

And that, he thought, was probably quite close to the truth.


End file.
